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This is where things get real. In the previous two parts of emotional intelligence, it’s very easy to just look at it as some sort of intellectual exercise. It’s very easy to file this information in the category “something nice to know” and leave it at that. But if you are able to control your emotions, you are able to ultimately control your destiny.
The sad reality is that the vast majority of people actually act out of impulse. Now, most people are not going to admit this to your face. Most people would come up with all sorts of rational sounding explanations why they made the kind of decision they made. Don’t believe them.
In a recent study, scientists discovered that a large percentage of people’s decisions were made purely out of impulse. However, when asked to explain those decisions, the subjects came up with all sorts of rational sounding reasons.
In other words, they would let their emotions get the better of them and they would make decisions, and then they would look for excuses or justifications that make it seem that their decisions made sense.
When you control your emotions, you are less likely to let your emotions get the better of you. When you make a choice or you take action, you are more likely to do so based on a rational decision-making process.
In other words, you would weigh the pros and cons, you would go out of your way to research what exactly is going on and what type of action would lead to the best outcome. That’s how rational people make smart decisions. You’re more likely to do things that way than simply going with your gut or, worse yet, getting all emotional and just letting your emotions run wild as you make a decision.
Emotional control is also crucial because you are able to respond to other people based on your character and values. This is a big deal because too many people simply react emotionally. They can’t help it. If somebody pushes at them, their number one instinct is to push back. If they feel that somebody said something that isn’t so nice, their default response is to reciprocate.
This is a serious problem because if you want to be successful, you must be able to respond based on your values. You must also be able to react based on your character.
But unfortunately, if you just spend your time simply reacting, you’re dealing with your lowest common denominator. You’re dealing with revenge, getting stuff off your chest, making a problem go away, or even worse, giving in to your worst instincts.
Believe it or not, emotional management plays a very big role in whether a person is going to reach the pinnacle of success.
Like I said in the introduction to this book, there are lots of people with high IQs who are living their lives far below their fullest potential. A lot of this under-performance, if you will, stems from their lack of emotional management.
It’s not unusual for perfectly intelligent people make unintelligent choices because they react emotionally. When you develop your emotional intelligence, you are able to manage your emotions better so you would be able to make higher quality decisions.
Being able to put yourself in other people’s shoes is a very powerful skill. I understand that in our modern society, being empathetic or even compassionate are sometimes viewed as signs of weakness. This really is too bad because if you are able to develop a high level of empathy, you become a more persuasive person.
You would be more likely to lead by example instead of by outward indicators of authority. Instead of leading because people are afraid of the negative consequences if you discipline them, they would gladly follow you. These are all fruits of empathy.
Empathy enables you to cross boundaries with people. They can easily see that you see the situation with their eyes and that you’re giving them their due respect.
You don’t necessarily have to agree with them, you don’t necessarily have to kiss their butts, but when people feel that you can see the situation from their perspective and that you respect and give them proper dignity, they’re more likely to view you in a favorable light.
This goes a long way in increasing your leadership capabilities. It also goes a long way in making you more persuasive and likeable.
Now, please understand that empathy has two levels. It’s one thing to step into other people’s shoes and look at the world from their eyes, it’s another thing entirely to be able to communicate that empathy in a clear and effective way.
Empathy skills, in the context of emotional intelligence, involves both. You’re not just able to empathize, but you’re also able to communicate your empathy.
2 Key Models for EI
As awesome as emotional intelligence may seem, there are actually two models for it that are in competition. Depending on which model you go with, you may be making things harder for yourself, or you may make things easier for yourself.
These two competing models are the Ability and Trait models for EI. This book focuses solely on the Ability model for EI.Other Details
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- Year Released/Circulated: 2019
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