Table of Contents
Chapter 1: It’s Not Who You Know … 2
Get Ready for Opportunity … 4
Chapter 2: Impressing … 5
The Cardinal Rule of Impressiveness 6
Tip of the Iceberg .. 7
Of Action . 10
Action Points … 11
Chapter 3: Confidence and Adaptability . 12
On Becoming Socially Bulletproof … 13
Social Chameleon 16
Keeping Calm .. 17
Action Points … 18
Chapter 4: Attractiveness and Charisma 20
How to Pick People Up in Bars 22
Charisma . 23
Persuasion … 25
Action Points … 26
Chapter 5: Likeability .. 27
More Ways toIncrease Your Likeability .. 29
Action Points … 33
Chapter 6: Communication and Building Connections … 34
Building Rapport and Going Deeper … 36
The Art of Communication .. 37
Action Points … 38
Chapter 7: Presentation .. 39
Conventionally Irresistible .. 39
Action Points … 41
Chapter 8: Designing Your Impression 42
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Chapter 2: Impressing
Being likeable and attractive is a difficult and complicated process. These are subjective terms and things that will of course be different for everyone.
So, let’s start with something that’s a little more quantifiable and repeatable: impressiveness.
How do you make sure that when someone has spent time interacting with you, they come away thinking that you are an impressive and capable individual?
This is an important trait to chase after, because if you are considered impressive, it means that they’ll be more likely to listen to your point of view, more likely to want to work with you and generally more likely to take you seriously.
The Cardinal Rule of Impressiveness
Before we dive in any further, let’s start with a signal ‘cardinal rule’ of impressing people. That is not to try to impress people, or at least to make it appear as though you aren’t trying.
Here is how it goes: when you try to impress someone, it sends a message that you want their approval. That in turn sends a signal that they are higher than you on the food chain. If you are trying to impress them, then you must think they are more important or more impressive than you are. And if you think that (or appear to), then they will think that too!
The other problem with trying to actively impress a person is that it then creates an ulterior motive for what you say and do. In other words, anything you subsequently say will now risk appearing to have been crafted to impress. Are you really a poet or are you just playing that up seeing as the person already knows you want to impress them?
At the worst end of this, trying to impress people makes you come across as though you lack self-awareness. The belief that you can easily fool someone into being impressed with you and that they won’t see through your attempts to wow them often does little other than to demonstrate a lack of understanding of how you are coming across!
So, this is rule 101. If you want to be more impressive you become indifferent and you act like yourself. You don’t actively seek to brag or to work your accomplishments into conversation. By appearing like you aren’t desperate to impress someone, you send the message that you don’t need their approval, which is instantly more impressive and attractive.
Tip of the Iceberg
So if you can’t actively work your best qualities into a conversation, what can you do to make sure that people come away impressed with their interaction with you?
The first and most important tip is to be knowledgeable and to speak eloquently and confidently on all subjects as far as possible. The way you do this? Simple: know your stuff.
Have you ever spoken to someone who seems to have an encyclopaedic knowledge of their area of expertise? And who is brimming with interesting and intellectual things to say? After such an interaction, it’s very hard not to come away impressed.
But very few people are that knowledgeable on every topic. Most of us have particular subjects that we’re passionate about and that we know a lot about.
Speaking on the subjects you’re passionate about then is something you should always aim for when possible as this way you’ll be able to speak with passion and knowledge and demonstrate your knowledge in context.
Passion is something we’re going to be coming back to again and again in this book and you’re going to see that this is something that can make you incredibly more dynamic, engaging and impressive.
And if you know that you’re going to be speaking about subjects of which you are not an expert? Then do your research prior to going and make sure you’ve read up on the subjects that you’re going to be encountering.
For example, if you’ll be going to a conference for a particular industry, then it makes sense to spend time reading up on that industry, reading up on the attendees and reading recent relevant news.
Doing your research prior to important meetings is a good idea then, but what if you aren’t going to a particular event? What if the conversation changes?
The good news is that there are of course some relatively ‘easy wins’. These are things you can read up on, research and learn that will help you in any conversation. For example, reading up on the news is something that can make you appear well-informed and interested in a wide range of situations. If you’re visiting a particular area or country, take the time to learn about the area and their recent news. Lots to Offer
Of course, the easiest way to appear impressive is to be impressive. In other words, if you are genuinely multitalented with lots of areas of interest, lots to offer and lots of experience, then it is likely to come up.
So, something that everyone should be looking to do, is develop themselves and expand their skill-set, their knowledge and what they have to offer. There is no reason to be a specialist in just one subject: you can be a polymath and expert in many – especially thanks to the internet and just how easy it is to look up lessons or courses in any subject that you want to get better at!
If you want to speak impressively, then the key is to find that subject that you’re going to love. Again, it comes down to passion so if you choose to pursue a subject that doesn’t truly interest you, then in all likelihood you’re not going to be able to talk in the same engaging and truly informed manner as if you did. In this case, being impressive once again comes down to choosing the right field to be in – so that you can truly be a maestro within your subject matter.
Again though, there are also some other areas you can actively develop that will help to make any person a more rounded and developed individual. For instance, travelling is something that helps to make all of us more worldly and something that helps all of us to enjoy a better understanding off the world. If you can drop into conversation how you thought the Pyramids compared to the Grand Canyon, or the time you discovered the perfect spot on a beach somewhere in Croatia, then it will add color, knowledge and experience to your background.
Other good areas to develop yourself include your knowledge of health and fitness, of psychology, of literature, of food, of wine, of art, of film, of music… Don’t expand areas that you don’t find interesting. Don’t try and force yourself to be someone you’re not and recognize that of course not everyone is going to be interested in your knowledge of cheese… but if you can expand your general knowledge to include more subjects generally and if you actively pursue multiple interests then you will naturally come across as a more rounded and individual.
Just make sure that once again, you aren’t trying to get approval. Don’t desperately try to drop into conversation that you have travelled or it will come across as needy and bragging. Simply allow your prior experiences and knowledge to color what you say naturally. Allow for it to come across and hold back as much as you give away. This way it becomes apparent that there is much more to you and that is highly impressive.
But it’s not just about being able to talk a lot and show off what you know or where you’ve been. Just as important is being able to listen to others and to grasp and understand what they’re saying. There’s an old adage that says many of us don’t listen to understand, but rather we listen to respond. Many of us are eager to simply get to our turn, which makes us come across as shallow, impatient and dense.Other Details
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