Table of Contents
Introduction …….. 5
Chapter 1: Self-Care Using CBT and Mindfulness . 8
A Brief History and Explanation ……… 9
Chapter 2: Silencing the Inner Critic ………. 12
Mindfulness ….. 13
Positive Self-Talk ……. 14
Hypothesis Testing ….. 15
Chapter 3: Self-Fulfilling Prophecies ……… 16
The Law of Attraction . 17
Chapter 4: Looking After Looks …… 19
It’s the Little Things – How to Feel Taller …. 19
How to Beam ……… 21
Putting Your Best Face On … 22
Grooming …. 23
Chapter 5: Taking Care of Your Health …… 26
Getting Started With a Fitness Regime .. 28
Nourishing Nutrition and Sleep …….. 29
Chapter 6: Letting Go of Regrets …. 33
Do Regrets Fade With Time? 34
That Which Has Been Done… ….. 35
Chapter 7: The Power of Gratitude and Self Compassion …….. 39
Loving Kindness Meditation and Gratitude . 41
Chapter 8: Say Goodbye to Social Anxiety ………. 43
Use CBT and Become Socially Bulletproof . 44
Chapter 9: Changing Your Environment … 46
Awe and Wonder …….. 47
The Healing Power of Nature 48
Your Home …… 48
Chapter 10: Why There’s Really No Need for Low-Self Esteem ………. 50
Conclusion – Your Blueprint for Self-Care 53
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Chapter 3: Self-Fulfilling Prophecies
A self-fulfilling prophecy describes a phenomenon by which what you believe to be true can actually become a reality by the fact that you actually believe it or that other people believe it. If this sounds complicated then imagine an example. Say you’re a boy at school who has an older brother who recently had the same teachers and proved very successful.
By this fact alone, the other teachers and pupils will assume that this new boy will achieve great grades too. This confidence and expectation will in turn rub off on him and he’ll start to see himself as someone who has great academic ability.
(This is also a perfect example of how influences outside of our control can shape who we are – and why it is so important that we take matters back into our own hands!)
As you’re probably aware, you tend to like things that you do well in and so by thinking you’re good at academia you will then start to enjoy it more, and put in more time as a result. This is why sports psychologists use the ‘sandwich’ technique when giving criticism; that’s positive, negative, positive.
This way they can get across their advice without damaging the esteem of the sprinter or gymnast. Therefore, you need to try and constantly increase your own self-esteem and closely control how you perceive yourself in order to increase your success.
The Law of Attraction
How you perceive yourself also speaks volumes to other people as you will reveal your self confidence in subtle ways – the way you walk, the way you speak and the way you dress and the way you act.
If you act as though you deserve respect then you’ll start to believe it yourself and if you start to believe it then so will others. This actually goes deeper than abstract opinions however and can even be used to generate wealth and success. For example, by dressing well and wearing nice watches (knock-offs will do, no one will know) you eventually be able to afford them. If you project an image of being wealthy then others will begin to think you’re rich and successful. This can mean that your boss is more likely to give you a promotion (this is why they say you should dress for the job you want, not the job you’re in). It also means others will be more likely to trust you in business and that other wealthy people will gravitate towards you (like likes like). Even the gifts you receive will be more expensive on average as you generally tend to spend more on gifts for people who own more expensive things – otherwise it won’t fit with the décor and you’ll look cheap. If you act confident with the opposite sex then they’ll assume you’re in high demand and as such will find you more attractive. So dressing well can make others believe you are successful and can make you feel successful too. When I was doing my finals I heard that many of my friends were putting on their best clothes to make themselves feel good while doing them – this was good advice but really they should have been taking this kind of care all the time. Don’t just look the part though – act the part, and over time by mimicking the actions and behaviour of someone successful you’ll start to pick them up as habits. Wish you spoke more clearly and slowly? They forcibly put that voice and manner on and over time you will develop it as your normal behaviour.
Chapter 4: Looking After Looks
One of the biggest reasons many people suffer from low confidence is that they’re unhappy with a physical feature – or indeed all of their physical features. If this describes you, then you should be pleased to know that there is a lot you can do about your physical features, and there’s a fair chance you’re not maximising your potential. Here’s how to play the hand you’re dealt and get yourself looking like a million dollars.
It’s the Little Things – How to Feel Taller
Firstly, appearance needn’t necessarily mean your face, and for many men in particular low confidence can stem from not being as tall as they’d like to be. Even if this isn’t a particular source of contention for you, adding a bit of extra height will automatically help you to feel more confident as you look down on people, or at least look at them at eye level, rather than constantly looking up. But it’s impossible to make yourself grow taller right? Well yes and no. Basically, rather than actually growing taller yourself, you can make yourself appear taller by investing in insoles that increase your height. If you type into e-bay ‘tall insoles’ you’ll find several products along the lines of what you’re looking for. These only cost a small amount and can be easily slipped inside your shoe then adjusted to be taller or shorter up to around four inches.
Four inches of extra height if the shoes you’re wearing allow it, take you from a short-ish five nine to a fairly tall six foot one. If you combine this with fairly large shoes you can be really rather tall. For women the same can be true of high heels, and as an added bonus these also make women stand up taller and improve their gait and stride – you can’t shuffle in heels.
For men bulking up will also make you more imposing and as you generally fill up more space you’ll feel more commanding and confident (more on this in an upcoming chapter). Try eating large amounts of protein along with regular exercise and work in particular on your chest and shoulders to create an imposing silhouette.
It’s hard to feel insecure when you’re over six foot and covered in muscle. At the same time men who are conscious about their weight should make sure to do a lot of CV and avoid fatty foods to get themselves feeling leaner and less chubby – perhaps you need to take up less space.
Likewise, for women, toning your abs and tightening your behind can make you feel sexier and again improve your silhouette. To help you along the way you can always use underwear that holds in the fatter areas and plumps out the bits that need plumping. Girdles and corsets are the best known but you can also get pants that support your bottom. Girdles also exist for guys and while it may be a bit embarrassing, they can at the same time make you feel more confident when you’re out and about – no one need know!
How to Beam
You know what also makes a huge difference to the way you feel though? Posture.
In the last section, we saw the power of feeling taller or bigger. This can make you physically take up more space, which in turn can drastically increase confidence.
But simply by pulling your shoulders back and holding your chin up, you can have a very similar effect. Not only that, but this has a physiological impact on your mood, which helps you to feel more positive and Putting Your Best Face On
Inserting additional lifts into your shoes might all be a bit extreme though, and if it’s just your facial features you’re concerned about there’s still a lot you can achieve without resorting to surgery. Firstly, make sure you get a haircut somewhere nice and one that fits the shape of your head.
The squarer your jaw the more rounded a cut you’ll need and vice versa as a general rule. If you’re male you also need to think about facial hair, and while this is generally a fashion mistake it can sometimes really improve your looks – just look at Rowan Atkinson in Mr Bean compared to the same guy in Blackadder. You might also want to try dying your hair to see if another color suits you better.
If you’re a woman you have the benefit of being able to enhance your features with make-up. This means using foundation to cover up spots and blemishes and blusher to bring a bit more colour to your cheeks. Often those who are a little shy will try to dress and apply makeup minimally so as not to draw attention to themselves. However, this attempt to ‘hide’ in plain sight can cause all the same self-fulfilling prophecy effects that we have previously looked at. In other words, you shrink away, and people assume that you don’t want to be seen.Other Details
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