Table of Contents
Chapter 1: It Starts With You.5
Confidence and Independence….6
Chapter 2: The Art of Small Talk. 10
Chapter 3: How to Make More Meaningful and Lasting Friendships……. 13
Creating Opportunities to Meet People… 14
Taking it to the Next Level.16
Chapter 4: How to Overcome Social Anxiety….. 19
Chapter 5: How to Meet a Romantic Partner…..22
Online Dating….. 22
How to Meet People in the Wild…….24
The Power of Facebook.. 25
Becoming the Life and Soul of the Party…26
How to Get Out of the Friendzone….27
Chapter 6: New Relationships….. 30
Chapter 7: The Importance of Acting Out of Character and Drawing Lines in the Sand33
Chapter 8: How to Develop Deeper Relationships…. 37
Chapter 9: Controlling Your Emotional Responses…. 42
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Confidence and Independence
The happiest and most stable relationships are boomerang relationships. These are relationships between two people who will often go their separate ways, who will often do things independently and will then come back to each other with much more to share and to talk about.
Or another way to put it is that the couples who are happy apart, will be happy together. The same goes for friendships.
On the other hand, if you are someone who needs to be around your friends or around your partner to be happy, then you will likely be ‘clingy’. This can lead to you stealing that person’s space.
And even if they are the same way and they don’t mind spending all that time with you, you will likely find that it eventually leads to you running out of things to say to each other. You can start to become somewhat tired of each other’s company and end up sitting in silence.
Likewise, if you are not confident in yourself, then this can lead to you projecting your insecurities onto others. Low self-esteem is something that is highly contagious and if you aren’t happy with yourself and you don’t believe in your own abilities, then you will likely end up unintentionally bringing down your friends, relatives and romantic partners.
You might, for example, tell your partner that they should not try to start their own business because they will not succeed. This ultimately comes down to your own lack of self-belief – if you do not think you can do it, then chances are you won’t think they can do it either!
Worse, some people do not understand why their partners are with them. They have such low esteem that they think they do not deserve love and because of this, they can end up feeling insecure in the relationship.
They think their partner will leave them because… well why wouldn’t they? And as such they become jealous, clingy, and possessive. As you can see, hear their problem has become a larger problem for the relationship.
Therefore, it is such a mistake for people to jump from one romantic relationship to another one without having any time in between. This is almost certain to result in problems, as you won’t have had time to define yourself properly in between. You’ll therefore risk changing too much in order to be like each of your partners, you’ll risk being overly dependent on your partners and therefore a little clingy and you might be overly passive, such that your own voice isn’t heard enough.
Instead, you should spend time between relationships building your independence. And the same goes for your friendships: spend time on your own, pursue hobbies and make sure that you are as well rounded, independent, and interesting as you can be.
If you are one of those people who just isn’t happy on their own, then know that this is something you can unlearn. The best way to do this is simply through practice and through perseverance.
Spend more time on your own, go travelling on your own, attend classes, develop hobbies and have ‘you days’ that involve being comfortable in front of the TV with a nice glass of wine or bottle of beer.
In short, spend time learning the skill of being alone and get to the point where you can quite happily spend evenings on your own without being highly stressed or upset.
Likewise, you should also develop your confidence and you should develop yourself as an offering. In other words, if you are going to apply for jobs, then you need to ensure that you have the best and most relevant skillset and experience. Similarly, if you are looking for relationships, then you should be in a steady job, you should be in great shape and you should be well-dressed. If you are looking for friendships, you should be rounded, interesting and fun.
All this will also help you top develop your standing in any social setting and will increase your ‘rank’ in the social hierarchy.
Know that this is what all relationships are ultimately founded on. Our relationships are based on our evolutionary imperatives. They come from the need to be accepted into a tribe to gain shelter, protection, access to resources and mates and more.
In the wild, being ostracized from a group meant being sentences to a certain death. Therefore, we feel so anxious when we think we are embarrassing ourselves -t he fights or flight response kicks in as though we were being stared down by a vicious predator.
Likewise, the hierarchy also plays a critical role in our social interactions. When looking for a partner or looking for friends, we are looking for people that will enhance our likelihood of survival. We are looking for partners who will provide good genetic resources and access to resources for our offspring.
And while this is not true today in the way it was when we were still evolving, it is nevertheless still a driving force that influences us unconsciously.
If you are shy, unconfident, badly dressed and weak, then you send social signals that you are not advantageous to associate with. If you do not believe in yourself, then you will inadvertently send signals that others should not believe in you either. And you will be shunned or at least you’ll certainly struggle to meet members of the opposite sex.
Therefore, it’s so important to develop yourself. It enhances every relationship both in the long term and in that initial, powerful signal you put out to those around you.Other Details
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